Neytopia › Part 2: Noon › Chapter 38

Tired of losing

She and the lightbringer were in a deserted island, alone and with nothing to do. Both were filled with regret and dead hopes. They thought about how the world had failed them and how they had failed the world. He stopped shining and instead grew a black beard. Both let themselves go, watching day follow night with nothing to do.

The lightbringer approached her one night, after her cries had made his sleep impossible.

If this is what is waiting for us, just kill me and kill yourself. We will be much better off.

She looked at him, sobbing.

Don’t you get it? I can’t die. Believe me, I’ve tried…

She was crawled into a ball with her hands holding her knees, looking through her window to the sea outside. He felt a wave of pity for her, but then he was filled with anger again. A voice in his head said,

She brought this on herself. You heard what The Thing said. She’s not the innocent little lamb she pretends to be.

But another voice screamed inside his head,

Noooo! She’s perfect. She’s pure and innocent. We must protect her. We must make things right, she’s counting on us.

By the amount of voices in my head, I must be losing the little sanity I had left. Guys, I have accepted by now that I will never kill the Tyrant. I will never cut off his head and bathe in praise for it. I will die on this god-forsaken island, alone and forgotten.

She interrupted his thoughts saying,

Did I ever tell you the story about the boy who could not stop eating?

He sighed and sat in the bed where she was. She took it as a sign of permission to go on,

Of course not, because I didn’t want you to really know me—She stopped for a second to wipe her tears—You see, a boy was once born in a kingdom that was wealthy, but no matter how much his parents fed him—

He always needed more.

He remembered that story. He had read it at the infinite library. The lightbringer told her what he remembered,

Then he grew up, went berzerk, ate everything and left the fields barren. The king wasted all the gold in charlatans and eventually everyone died. Yes, a very depressing fairy tale, so what?

Ha! That’s where you’re wrong. It’s no fairy tale, I can promise you that. When I reached that land, it was already half-consumed.

Now he was paying attention.

People stabbed each other in the street for food, for gold or just because they felt like it. By the time the king granted me an audience, the royal funds were already depleted, and he had gone mad. I still hunted down the creature and took it with me on my ship to an island. Most accounts end here, because I made sure the rest was never known, but I’m going to give it to you as a gift, so you will understand me better.

You see, I had heard that creatures like that boy were special. They were mistakes, beings that should not be here. Because they belong… somewhere else.

What do you mean?

I don’t believe this world, this planet is all there is. I am convinced there’s more.

He coiled back.

Anyway. These creatures, they had… certain powers which you could get if you—She feared that saying it would make it real.

What?

Well. If you ate their brain. So me and my followers brought him down from our ship, still drugged, and placed him in the grass, looking out at the sea. After I dismissed my followers, I took a large ceremonial knife, made an incision on the base of the creature’s skull, and cut out a part of his large brain.

For eight days I feasted on him. You couldn’t dream the dreams I had, oh, how far my sight extended, all the power I gained.

Her crazy smile scared him.

However, on the eighth day, a man arrived to the island on a boat while I was enjoying my last… “food for thought” still hunched behind the creature, hidden out of sight. It was a little and petty man, so the sight of the creature made him cower in fear and respect.

But see, the creature just remained still with an empty stare. The man began asking questions, thinking the creature was some sort of god. And I, of course, answered all of them using the creature’s voice, making the man think it was the creature speaking.

He had such grand delusions that he eagerly asked what rules he should use to rule over people. So I told him a hilarious mashup of the dogmas I had seen over my life, you know, to have a laugh. You will understand my surprise when I learned somehundred years later that there was a kingdom in the northern continent with the same laws I had given to that man. Yes, the man had returned home and united tribes and communities in the north into a large army that followed his religion… well, my religion.

Then she fell silent and he asked,

Why?

Why what? Why did I steal the creature’s powers? Why did I tell you this story? Why are we here? Because of who I am and how I am. The Thing that came to visit us was right. I can’t change, although honestly, nobody can. I hate and love myself at the same time.

She turned to look at him and held his right hand.

I’ve done things… You have no clue. Things you… anyone would hate me for. I hate myself enough already. I have inflicted myself so much pain to stop the guilt, but it doesn’t help… I can kill you now, if you want, so you can rest. But I can’t die. Heaven knows I’ve tried. I’m doomed to live. Humans don’t realize how lucky they are. They see the world upside-down. Death is the cure for the only disease there is.

The lightbringer wiped the tears from her eyes and said,

Stop, please.

But she went on, even more convinced,

I’ve been with humans since their birth. I’ve led millions to their deaths, caused more pain than I could ever repair, forced men to torture themselves, tortured people into insanity. The prison where you found me is where I belong. But I’m not strong enough to go back. Everything The Thing said was true and still it was only the tip of the iceberg that is the damage I’ve caused, the damage I will cause.

Her tears rained on the floor, but they shed no light. She looked into his eyes and said,

Take my hand, I’ll cure your life.

He shouted,

No! No! No, no, no! I won’t let you stay here and wither away. I’m tired of losing. I don’t care what you’ve done, I still love you and always will. We are going to bring down his empire, and you just made me realize how.

He pulled her and kissed her neck.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

He continued kissing her, now her lips, then he descended down her body.